Pessimist

That’s what I am.

When it comes to decision-making, about what I have achieved (or never achieved), everything that occurs, I always have a negative reaction which has a bigger impact compared to those things that, for others, is positive.

Like just now, as considered by most people, the most wonderful time of the year. And I don’t have anything to give to my godchildren and to my mom. #Nganga

I don’t even have something for myself this time which made me feel more frustrated. It will then trigger me to feel bad, feeling that I’m being deprived with the things that I wanted to have. Then it will make me think why we’re not that wealthy enough to spend for such things. Thinking of these fucking negative things will turn to me tears. Made me crying. Made me pity myself, my life.

Asking God why. Why my life is miserable.

This is the chain reaction of negative thoughts and resentment.

I’m almost 30 and I still act this way. I’m either a late-bloomer or immature.

I even thought of seeking professional help. There could be something or a way that would convert me being pessimistic to be an optimist.

Yes! This is who I am.